it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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