i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
