I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
