Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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