I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
