you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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