I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
