Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
