just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
