so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
