It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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