I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
