forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
