life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
