he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
