I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to make a zoo with you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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