It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
