Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
