my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
