I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
