Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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