Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
