My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
