You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
