white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
