Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
