sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
