Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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