There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
