i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
