Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
