Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This house was built for laser tag.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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