He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
