I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
