the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
