And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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