And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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