those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I will be naked everywhere
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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