when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
