Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He did a backflip because drugs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
