I haven't been this sober since birth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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