This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
