I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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