Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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