There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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