I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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