It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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