saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
