Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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