i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need a beard to bite.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
