You're completely useless in the revolution.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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