she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
