Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
