this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
