an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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