Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
