she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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