A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I party with great urgency now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
