One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
