Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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