I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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