I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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