I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
