my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
