Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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