i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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