So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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