yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
