I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
