My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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