Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
