Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
