Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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