No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
