forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
