life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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