I wish they made helmets for livers.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
