3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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