I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
