wrigley field is MILF paradise
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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